Advice To Those Who Are In A NO LABEL Relationship
'So you're together?'
Your friends will ask, and you will have to sit there explaining why you are not, attempting to justify your choice not to be exclusive.
You two believe you do not need a label in your relationship. It does sound quite fun and appealing. No strings attached, no responsibilities, and no over-the-top relationship drama.
So since you said, "Yeah! Why do we need labels anyway?" or "Of course, it is easier this way!" when you were asked about how things will go. Let's check if this relationship fits your emotional needs and priorities.
Here is the advice you did not ask for:
First of all, check the what-you-think or what-you-feel label. It may be no-label-forever or no-label-now-but-maybe-later. Make sure that you are on the same page. Know where you stand and what the future looks like because if you are going to invest valuable time and your Netflix account password, you deserve some clarity.
Know the difference between fooling around and getting to know each other. If you two are fooling around, you do not have to think about a particular destination. However, if you two are in the stage where you are getting to know each other, you will end up together.
Second, do not get too attached. Let’s be honest. If you mix time, affection, and sex, things get out of hand. Combining these three creates an attachment unconsciously. Emotional attachments are hard to stop. We often cannot feel it until it is too late.
What if you get too attached? Things will get more complicated. Feeling happy, angry, or even jealous is normal when you are close to someone. These feelings, though, are a no-no when you are in the no-label zone. So expect that whenever you see them with another person, your immediate reaction must be, “Oh, good for him” rather than “that cheat-ard!” You are expected to be happy for them.
Third, no expectations. Most of the time, attachment comes with expectations. If you both agreed to a "no label" kind of relationship, you do not have the right to expect things from them. This kind of relationship will not get you someone who will take you out on the most dazzlingly creative dates or someone you can text at 4:00 am when you cannot sleep. You are not with someone who will make you soup when you are sick or call you before your big meeting to wish you good luck.
He did not promise to take care of you. He did not promise to love you. He did not ask you to be his girlfriend, so do not expect him to. Face the fact that after the "no label" phase, your relationship will either begin for real or end: one way or the other. But no judgment; I understand why we always want something more.
Fourth, have fun but set some boundaries. Unless you sit down at the start of an open relationship and lay down some ground rules, everything is free. Always take into consideration the things you are not required to do or the things you do not want to do. Give no privilege if you do not want to. You make agreements, not rules.
Fifth, the most exciting part. You can say "I love you but goodbye" anytime. Since both of you are free to flirt and hit on whomever you want, you can opt-out whenever and wherever you want to. You are searching for someone you feel a connection with and who respects you. Stick to what you deserve. Have the courage to leave or at least meet halfway. After all, even a no-label relationship is still a relationship.
Have fun while it lasts because, like any bottled beer, you have to read the expiration date at some point. You must decide whether to drink it before it skunked or just let it go. But can you lose something you never had?
It is ultimately your choice. Sometimes the magic of connection is lost when we try to define it. You can stop and experience the magic. Are you still up for it?
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