You're seeing each other for months now. By this time, you should be on the next level, but nothing seems to happen. They say, women are usually the one to become invested in a relationship. However, last time you check, she has her world. You have your own. There's nothing wrong but there is something off beam.
Read these 4 reasons why you can't get into her heart and mind.
1. She's a strong independent woman.
She thinks she can live without you. She knows her value. With all the pain she’d been through, she has now built a strong wall and live defensively. She can pay her food and bills. Her walls are too thick that most men can't destroy. When she lets you in, it’s not because she needs you. She stopped needing people a long time ago. It’s because she wants you. And that, that is the purest love of all. Jumping in and taking a risk requires being bold and being yourself. Yes. Her trust issues are at an all-time high because the pursuit of love has brought her nothing but pain. She just wants to feel nothing, and she numb herself by hiding her heart behind the wall men from the past built out of trust and disappointment.
2. She's a broken-hearted girl.
A bad breakup cue a domino effect of emotional unavailability. Relationships are not just about sparks fly and stomach butterflies, it can sink or swim. Most of the times, it’s about drama and arguments. It’s so hard to watch someone you love deceive, lie and break you. She may have been mistreated and used. Men prey on weaknesses. When you figure out her weakness, you’ll pounce on it. Once you let someone in, you give them the power to hurt you. And they will hurt you. One way or another. Because that's what men do. That's why she's careful. She's not letting her guard down because it’s the safest route. It’s a sure-fire way to make sure the heart she spent months repairing stays intact. It’s not that she don’t want to love - she do believe in love and desperately want to receive it — she just proceed slowly and with caution because love hasn’t always been on her side.
3. She wants to save herself for the right one.
The concept self love and knowing what she actually deserves is what she believes. A man can be loss or gain. She's tired of games. Tired of guys who only want to mess around and leave. Tired of the same shit and drama with the wrong people. So she takes her time making decisions and second guess her decisions more because she have a history of making “the wrong choice.” Having her guard up doesn't simply mean that she's shutting everyone out and refusing to get close. It is more about being selective and maybe not opening up emotionally to those guy who just used a pickup line , maybe not opening up emotionally to the biggest gossip just because she need a friend to talk to. Now, men should cut the crap out and grow up because she will love to marry.
4. She knows YOU ARE not worth the troubles.
We’ve all seen cheaters and can’t deny that no matter how we are dedicated to him, it’s still not enough. Women aren't blind to see what's happening with men's crap, nowadays. Infidelity, abuse, and all the other painful things. More so than anything, she doesn’t want to put everything she had into someone and realize that he wasn’t even worth it. She has loved and got hurt. By now, she has realized how some of them was a waste and think about how stupid they were, which is why she is waiting for someone who is worth it. Losing touch of that happily ever after with men is so common, like that happiness can so quickly slip away, so what’s the point in trying?
So what should you do? Have patience and proceed slowly and gently. She let you in just a little bit — see how you react, see if she can trust you. If you “pass the test,” then she will let you in a little more. Little by little, she will open her heart to you. She will trust you — she want to, but let this unfolding happen on her time and under her terms. To rush her is to force her to shut down and retreat back behind her walls. Understand this: she won’t fall for your words (she's been told those same words many times before); she'll fall for your actions. Love notes are wonderful, but without the actions to back those words up, your love letters fall on deaf ears. The solution isn't always true love's kiss. Just be patient because, love does not happen overnight.
“Why him?” or "Why her?" You will always hear this question from friends, workmates, and family. "Of all the people you saw, talked, slept, and loved— why does it get to be him? What magic made you choose to stay?"You've dealt with different kinds of men, experienced different kinds of love and realized that for a relationship to work out, you need to have the following:
1. Enough space
Seeing each other once or twice a week is hard. You want to see the love of your life every day. Truth is, it’s the MAGIC. Seeing each other not as often as once or twice a week gives space. That’s physically and emotionally healthy for both of you.
This gets you to live independently and allows you to have the kind of life you dream about. Sometimes, you want to move freely, you want to watch movies alone, you want to hang out with friends on short notice, and you want to wear the revealing clothes you want. Having this space, you’ll be caught up so much with time that you don’t even notice how fun life is even when alone. I'm not saying it’s okay to forget him but, you know, you’re not his whole world. He has family and friends that want him to spend time with. This gives you time to do what you love to do. Surely, this goes same with him. He is also busy with his work and passion so you two will work that out.
And if both of you are still young, people around you have expectations of you. You don’t want to be the burden of those expectations not being met, do you? Aside from expectations from people you love, you both have your goals, individually. Goals that you want to achieve by himself. That goes with you too, for sure.
Not too close, not so much space but enough. There’s no rush anyway, make him take his time. Just hope that her will not take too much time if you know what I mean.
You’ve been with each other—drunk late night until dawn, slept together—just literally slept nothing more and you’ve been alone so many times. Not a single time you saw him took advantage of you. Not a single time you saw him tried to. You remember him saying, “try me, I’m not like other people you’ve been with” on the first time you’ve met. Well, there has been a time where you tried to, you know, entice him but nothing. Operation failed. Then you came to ask yourself, “What’s wrong with me? Am I not that attracted for him not to be distracted?” They’re human. And human doesn’t last like that if you know what I mean. Truth is, he respects you, and you should get that.
You told you him you’re chill with everything and you can see that he's trying to do the same with you. When he wants to spend the weekend with their friends and not with you, that’s okay. He know what they’re doing. They’re old enough to know what’s right from wrong. It’s not like he's lying to you just to shut you out and be with other girls for the night, right? So just understand and respect that.
You love eating chicken, so they take you out to eat chicken. And, that’s what you should love about him. You don’t need to like everything they like. He don’t need to like everything you like. You have your own minds to think, own perspectives about things, and own life to live with. He has too. You just need to respect each other’s likes and wants for a relationship to last.
3. Unexpected love
For the record, you don’t want to commit and be in a relationship when you first met him. You still want to explore. You still want to see the world without being attached to anyone or to anything. He can't forget what you said from the very beginning, that he shouldn’t expect anything from you because you don’t hold back. You will do what you want to do.
You can still remember how the two of you were like before. The feelings from the very first time you both said “Hi!” on Messenger down to the first time you saw each other. Who expected everything to be like now? You thought he's just one of the people whom you’ll chill with and goodbye. It’s nice when you don’t expect from things to work out well. It’s nicer when you don’t expect at all. Eventually, you’ll be amazed. If it’s meant to be, it’ll be.
You’re always cautious. He knows that. No one or nothing tames you. Not until now. Your line, “don’t expect anything from me” taught him well. It taught you something too. You shouldn’t expect anything from yourself. That’s what makes life so interesting. There’s always a reason to be hopeful for in the future because you never know what good things will come your way next.
I know you’re glad because you two tried. And, you’re even more glad because he stayed.
